It’s been so long. Six years of not asking my dad for forgiveness. Haven't seen him since I ran away when I was 18. I sat at my desk, staring out the apartment window, watching dark clouds building over yonder by the mountains. The silence overtook me. I pulled out a piece of parchment and started writing.
Dear Dad,
I’m sorry for leaving against your will 6 years ago. I drove myself to the Canadian backwoods, living like you have taught me. I have moved back to Great Falls, Montana and I am living in an apartment. I have gotten a job as a day camp counselor for an after school program. I’m spreading the knowledge that you have given me about camping and surviving the wilderness. I hope I have the chance to be able to see you soon.
Love,
Johnny Prey
I folded the letter up and put it in the envelope as I walked out of the apartment building. After getting in my Jeep, I tossed it into my glove box and drove to the dirt parking lot at the base of a hiking trail. I saw a group of kids standing around in a group next to a bus. Getting out, I grabbed my hiking backpack and walked towards them. There was a silence before a storm.
“I’m sorry I’m late. Welcome to Wilderness Survival Class everyone. I’m Johnny Prey and I’ll be showing you how to survive out here for two weeks. This first week I’ll be teaching you all and next week I’ll be testing you on everything I taught you. It may at times feel like boot camp.” I said. I straightened my ball cap and zipped up my camouflage jacket. It was getting kind of chilly along this cliff. “Any questions before we get started?”
“Mr. Prey, we won’t get hurt, will we?” asked one of the boys.
“No, of course not. You all don’t have to call me Mr. Prey, just call me J.P,” I said as it started to rain.
I never thought I would be teaching teens from a juvenal correctional institute how to live off the land. Then again, I’m not the normal, run-of-the-mill teacher.
My life hasn’t been normal either but it isn’t that different either. I went to school, I have some friends, and I had two parents. My mom died at birth and my dad, well, lets just say he hasn’t always been there for me. I never thought I would be so much like my dad, and so different. It all started when I was born.
---
Lightning lit the rain as it slowly dripped down the hospital window. Staring out, watching the clouds swirl around the sky, Dale Prey’s eyes watered up. It was hard to tell that he was crying behind his sunglasses. His eyes were sensitive to light, so he was required to wear sunglasses. Wondering how he could just gain a life and lose one at the same time, he turned and faced the nurse.
“Sir, have you decided on your son’s name? I need to put it on the birth certificate now.”
Looking at her smile, he wondered how she could be so happy at a time like this. He just lost his wife and the nursed wanted to talk about a birth certificate. “My wife wanted to call him Johnny; go ahead and put that down.”
After walking down the hall, he found himself at the nursery looking in at Johnny. Wiping his eyes, he touched the window, as if he was saying goodbye to Johnny. Turning around, he walked towards the elevator. As he walked in, he pushed the button to the basement. Every couple seconds, a ding filled his ears. When the doors finally opened, he walked past a couple of doctors frantically talking about an upcoming surgery. Pulling his jacket tighter, he walked into an empty hall. Drifting onward, he found a sign pointing towards the morgue. He followed it and entered the doors. His wife was just being covered. “I will always love you and I’ll try my best to take care of Johnny for you,” was all he could find himself to say as he watched.
---
After thinking and walking around the hospital for a couple of hours, he found himself in front of a counselor’s office. On the door was a plaque that read: Janice Titan – Counselor.
“Uh, hi! I’m Dale Prey, can I talk to you real quick?” he said after walking in.
“Sure, Mr. Prey. My name is Janice and how can I help you today?”
“Well, I just had my son today. He’s such a cute little boy. Full head of hair, perfect condition,” he said as his lip started to quiver.
“You and your wife must be very proud to have a son.”
“I am proud, but I’m extremely sad because after he was born, his mother died. I don’t think I can handle raising him by myself.”
“Sorry to hear that,” she said, trying her best to comfort him. “There is an option. We can find a pair of adoptive parents who are willing to raise your son until you are ready to raise him yourself. When you’re ready, you and the parents can go to social service and go through the paperwork to regain custody.”
“What if the other parents don’t want to give him up? And what if my son doesn’t want to be with me?”
“You and the adoptive parents will sign a paper stating that when you are ready to take your son back, they have to. If your son is under fourteen, then he has to go with whoever has legal custody,” she said.
---
After Dale put Johnny up for adoption, he went to the backwoods of Alaska to do some exploring. He taught himself how to survive the elements up there.
One clear, moonlit night, Dale was roasting freshly caught deer over a fire.
Crack! He didn’t think twice of it. Nothing to worry about, it’s just the fire.
There was some ember looking spheres glowing beyond the deer. Dale pulled out his mirror and shined the light from the fire towards it. A grizzled look came across the bear as it stood on its hind legs.
---
My first six years of my life, I lived with adoptive parents while my father was out having fun. At least that’s what my adoptive parents always told me every time I asked about my dad.
I don’t remember much about my childhood. But I do remember when my dad came to claim custody over me on my sixth birthday. I was at school and I was called into the principle’s office. The smell of pine tree air spray still burns inside my nose. I remember Mr. Blackspell behind his desk.
“Johnny, would you like a sucker?” he pushed a jar towards me.
“Thank you Mr. Blackspell,” I said, taking one out and sticking it into my mouth.
“You know why I called you in here Johnny? I called you in here because your birth dad is here to pick you up.”
I jumped a little as I felt a hand fall on my shoulder. Looking behind me, I saw a man with sunglasses and a ball cap on his head. His nose was scarred up and he had no hair on his head.
“Who are you mister?” I asked him. He didn’t even look like me. How could he be my daddy?
“I’m your dad, your real dad. I’ve come to let you live with me.” He gave me a kind smile that filled me up with happiness.
---
During my teen years, he taught me everything he learned while in Alaska. He told me all about his adventures and how he survived a bear attack. I remember the summer when I was 16; we went on a camping trip by a river in the mountains. He told me to go on one side of the river while he stayed on the other side. After a couple of hours of silence, he spoke up.
“Hey, Johnny! You ok over there? You need my help?” he shouted across the river, leaning back on a tree, watching his fire burn.
“No dad, I have everything under control!” I wasn’t about to show any sign of weakness. I was trying my best to get a fire started the way my dad taught me, but failed. After looking up at the sky, I had enough time to get a fire started. I pulled out my magnifying glass, pointed at some dry grass and blew some air onto it. “See dad! I can get a fire going on my own!”
I looked up to my dad. It was like he was always there for me. Then in my senior year in high school, I wanted to ask my dad about my mom.
“Dad, what happened to my mom? How come you never talk about her?” I could tell he was fighting with himself to get the courage to tell me. I saw, for the first time in my life, a tear coming down his cheek. “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to dad.”
“No, I must. I kept it from you for so long. You need to know. Your mom was very beautiful. She had blond hair like you. Every day, she would tell me that if she ever had a son, that she wanted to name him Johnny, after her dad. That’s where your name came from.”
“She sounds like she was very sweet and kind.”
“She was Johnny. Well, when she was pregnant with you, she became very weak. Her immune system, from what I was told, went haywire. Once you were born, the stress of labor just did her in. She died a couple minutes after you were born. Her last wish was for you to be named after her father. I had to keep it for her.”
“Why didn’t you keep me when she died? Didn’t you love me?”
“I did love you. I didn’t want to leave you. I just didn’t know what to do at the time. My emotions were running high and I had to do something.”
“You left me dad. There’s nothing you can do about that.”
“I’m sorry you had to find out this way, I just didn’t want to hurt you Johnny!”
I stayed with my father until I graduated from high school. He tried everything he could to stop me from making the same mistakes he did. I drove my Jeep up through Montana into Canada I found myself at a deserted field deep in the forest next to a river. In spite of my dad, I still used everything he taught me. I stayed there for six years until I felt in my heart to forgive my dad.
Here I am now, 24 years old and back in Montana. I decided to start up my own day camp program teaching kids from correctional institutes how to survive in the wilderness, just like my dad with me, hands on and tough love.
---
“J.P.! What do we do? It’s raining pretty hard. We’re getting soaked!” said the same kid as before.
Shaking my head lightly, I noticed that the skies were darkening. Looking at all the worried faces on the kids, I smiled at them, giving them some reassurance that I knew what I was doing.
“Look around; what would your first instinct be to do?” I asked them all, wondering what the best answer they would come up with. I watched them all talk about it and they all agreed that they would cuddle up together under a tree.
“That’s your natural instinct taking over. What you all need to do is get away from the tree. Lightning is more prone to hit trees than you. If you all cuddle up to keep each other warm, you all would be a big target for lightning. You would need to separate if you were in a field. But since we’re next to a cliff, do any of you see a cave?”
They all looked along the face of the cliff, scanning for an opening. I watched one of the kids point to one about a half mile down. We all walked down and looked inside. The bears that occupied it earlier, and then abandoned it. Sheltering until it stopped raining an hour later; I told them about how I learned what I did with my father.
As the skies cleared and the rain stopped as quickly as it came, I took the kids back down the trail that we took earlier. The jail bus pulled into the dirt lot and was waiting. I waved good-bye to each of them, telling that I’d see them tomorrow.
I walked over to my Jeep, got in and sat there for a while. Thinking back to how my dad taught me, I found myself teaching these kids exactly the same way. Pulling out the letter that I wrote earlier, I knew what I had to do. I drove to the post office, got out and stood in front of the mailbox. Holding onto the letter in the slot, my palms got all sweaty. I pulled the letter back out and walked back to my Jeep.
---
After ten minutes of driving back to my apartment, I walked up to the third floor and unlocked my door. Slamming the door harder than needed, I walked over to my couch and threw the letter onto my table. It was hard to forgive my dad for abandoning me as a kid. He’s less responsible than I am, and he’s older than me. Flipping through the channels, my mind started to slip.
I walked over to my window and saw my dad on the roof of the bakery next door. What was weird about him though was he was holding me on his shoulders. I was picking an acorn off a pine tree that was growing on the building.
The telephone rang and I found myself on my couch again, the only light in the room was from the television. It was a documentary on crab fishing up in the Bering Sea. I turned the TV off, sluggishly walked to my bed. Falling on top of my sheets, I found myself having a dreamless night.
Waking up to a buzzing alarm, I slammed my hand against the snooze button. I walked into my bathroom and looked into the mirror. Rubbing my eyes, I swore I saw my dad instead of me. Getting dressed after a quick shower, I trotted into the living room and saw my letter on the coffee table, nagging at me to be sent. Pocketing it, I ran down the hall and bounded down the stairs.
Shielding my eyes as I opened the door outside, I quickly walked to my Jeep and got in. Dodging traffic, I pulled in front of the post office, got out and tossed the envelope into the mailbox. There was no turning back.
There was nothing to do until I saw the kids later. I drove around town, did all my errands, and went back to my apartment.
---
The rest of the week went by in a flash. I found myself in front of the kids on Monday, telling them that I would start testing them on what they learned. It was a perfect day for a test. I told them that I hid clues at various places and they had to use the skills they acquired. We were at the base of the cliff, watching the light clouds drift by.
As the kids were out looking for different signs of different animals, I heard a familiar voice behind me.
“I thought I would find you here Johnny.”
Turning to face my father, I saw him standing there, a weak smile and a tear falling down his cheek. He still had his red ball cap on, but I could tell he was balding underneath. His hair just looked thinner. He had different sunglasses though. The sun shined red off the tint. His face looked thinner too. Either it was he was getting older or just shaved off his beard. I took a step forward, stopped, and retreated back. For once, I felt taller then him.
“What are you doing here dad? I’m in the middle of giving a test,” I said, trying to hold back my emotions.
“I got your letter the other day and thought I would come see you,” he said, dragging his feet towards me. As he got up to me, he embraced me and gave me a tight squeeze.
“How did you know I would be here of all places dad? I didn’t tell you where I was doing my day camp.”
“Oh, it was easy. I just went to the tenant of your apartment and told her I was your father. Showed her drivers license and she told me that you were doing something with kids here. I just wanted to tell you that I forgive you for being stubborn. I hope you forgive me for not telling you about your mother earlier. I had too much pride then to tell you.”
All I could do now was to hug him back and feel my eyes sting from watering up. This was what I was longing for. The father that I remember from my teen years was back. This is what I wanted more than ever, someone who loves me.
“I’ll let you get back to your little class now Johnny. I’ll just stand and watch you if you don’t mind.”
I gave him a smile and wiped my eyes. Turning back to see how the class was doing, I trotted over to the edge of the cliff. The kids were coming back in little groups each with their own ‘What I learned’ journal that was at the end of test.
I gave each of them a smile and congratulated them as they walked onto the jail bus. The officer was the last one to get on the bus.
“Thank you so much for doing this for them Johnny. They sure seem a lot easier to work with now. They might actually get off early.”
“Oh, it was nothing officer. I’m just trying to help out with the community.”
---
Lightning streaked across the dark, dreary sky as I entered the apartment that night. The storm rolled in quicker then the weatherman predicted. I hung my jacket as my dad came through the door.
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Though I may be short, I can still go places others can't!!! No!!! Not the locker again!!!
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